This Is Me (30 April 2018)

I don’t actually like my photograph being taken but when I look back through my phone it is me that is missing from my life and this year I have decided that I will take a photograph every month.

Last year when I was really ill and I ended up spending 10 days in the cancer isolation unit as my immune system crashed as vain as this may sound it was devastating when my hair fell out. I’ve had short hair before but that has always been by choice.  To have your hair fall out and have to have it cut very short is a big shock to the system and one that upset me.  It seems such a stupid thing to get upset about but I liked my below the shoulder hair, it gave me a comfort zone where I could hide behind it.  With hair this short I just feel so exposed to the world and sometimes I just want to hide away.

January 2018

Healthwise January was not a very good month for me.  Somebody from my past decided they wanted to stir things for no reason but to be hateful and boy did they stir things up!  Sadly it affected my health and I was once again extremely ill because of the actions of others.  This really impacted my life and coupled with the cold weather not much went on.  I tried to keep on top of work but things were taken out of my hands as I was so ill ans exhausted, spending a large portion of the month resting in bed but I plodded on and did as much as I could possibly do under the circumstances.

February 2018

February was a month of health improvements.  There were still issues going forward and the first part of the month I was resting most of the time in bed but things did start to make an improvement. I had friends who really cared by my side supporting me all the way and this really did make a huge difference to me.  Socially I’ll be honest, I didn’t do much I was just too tired to do anything and this did leave me feeling a little isolated. Work just seemed to plod along at its own pace with me not doing that much as I was too exhausted and unable to concentrate. It’s strange how much my concentration has been affected by being in a coma last year and I can honestly say things haven’t improved much over the months and I still struggle daily with concentrating in most aspects of my life.

March 2018

March started with some pretty cold icy weather and I was wrapped up well.  LAter in the month the weather did brighten a little which certainly cheered me up.  I spent a couple of nights in York for my birthday and had a lovely time seeing the sights and dining in some lovely places such as Betty’s Tea Room, The Countess of York Dining Car at The Railway Museum, The Ivy and Carluccio’s.  I also had afternoon tea with a lovely group of ladies at Malmaison to celebrate InternationalWomen’s day.

April 2018

April was all about food and feeling good in myself.  Healthwise things has improved although I still have a niggling problem that I have been referred to another hospital baut as my local hospital has done all it can for me.  It’s stressing in that I am sat waiting for another specialist hospital to send me an appointment and I have been told I’m looking many months away.  This month I dined at Marco Pierre White Steakhouse at The Cube in Birmingham.  It was a lovely meal and I also met Marco and was given a signed copy of his new book.  I also went on a day out with a friend to Chester for some shopping and afternoon tea with cocktails at The Chester Grosvenor and afternoon tea at Malmaison in Birmingham to try their new spring menu.  Work wise I have been kept busy with my other blog Buckets Of Tea working on an email series for the Royal Wedding.

What have I learnt on my journey these past four months?  Firstly, my hair will grow back.  It may take a while but it will grow and although I felt lost without it and at time rather exposed, nothing soul destroying has actually happened.  My health will never be brilliant but as long as I pace myself and rest when needed I can have fun and go on adventures.  Workwise, I learnt I need to sit down and plan.  I’m struggling to concentrate and have found that when I sit and write a plan and a to do list from this plan I am able to achieve more as I have a list right beside me to remind me what direction i should be going in.  Socially, this is the hardest of them all, I need to rest and not try to over do things.  I need to concentrate on a couple of little adventures for now and leave the bigger adventures for when I am feeling better.  Little adventures can be just as much fun as the big adventures and often just sitting and talking with friends is all that is needed.

The main thing these past four months has taught me is I need to stat loving myself more and cutting off those negative thoughts of mine and of others, who in the scheme of things mean nothing to me at all.

Do you take a selfie each month?  Is stepping in front of the camera lens something you think deep down you should be doing more of?

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