My name is Candace and I am a 40 something lifestyle blogger. In early 2016 I moved back to the West Midlands after living by the sea in North Wales for 3 years. I miss Wales terribly and I still visit often to take in all the beautiful surroundings North Wales has to offer. I have many interests including cooking & baking, crafting, reading, fashion, beauty and travel; North Wales and afternoon teas are particular favourites. Its only now in my 40’s I think I am finding my own style and I am beginning to be confident with who I am.
This blog is my little space on the web where I write all about the things in my life that give me inspiration, happiness and hope whilst I learn to live life of happiness and adventures once more.
I moved to Wales back in 2013 a few years after my marriage had ended and right after I lost my job due to ill health. My confidence and self belief were so low and I needed a new start so I packed up my belongings and moved to Mid wales right by the sea. I loved the calm and tranquility but soon realised so called friends no longer kept in touch. Apart from a few friends it was always me making the effort. Even when some knew I was back in the Midlands and I contacted them about meeting for coffee, they were always busy. Yet when something when wrong in their life, they needed support they were straight on the phone to me. It was a struggle but I had to take a step back and just stayed with the very small group of friends who had supported my move to Wales.
I was devastated, alone and hurt. It was a tough period discovering most of the people I’d called my friends weren’t friends at all.
I had always been a people pleaser, driven to please others. I needed to get others approval and fearful that if I didn’t I’d be rejected. I’d didn’t allow myself to me and I was controlled by the actions of others. I allowed others to take advantage of me because I didn’t want to rock the boat. In the depth’s of mt mind I thought that if I didn’t do things to constantly make others happy they wouldn’t like me. I’d been made to believe I was worthless without the approval of others.
I believed I just wasn’t good enough.
The person who made me feel like this was replaced by another and when that person left my life I felt worthless and this prompted my move to Wales. After three years my health took a turn for the worse and I came back to the West Midlands. After 3 years of ‘healing’ I let somebody in. Sadly this person too turn out to use me and make me feel worthless once again. The combination of this and my deteriorating health saw me in May 2017 in a coma and spending 6 1/2 weeks in hospital after nearly dying three times in the space on 10 days. I was very very ill and feeling even more worthless.
Unbeknown to me I had the support of a couple of very wonderful people who have had my back the whole of the last 12 months and continue to be such a huge part of my life. They have boosted my confidence and self belief no end and I have suddenly seen the light and realised I don’t need the approval of others. It doesn’t matter is somebody doesn’t like me and I certainly don’t have to please everyone else at the detriment of my own happiness.
It was a painful journey, but a vital one because it changed my life.
My friendships are healthier, my life more balanced. I’m learning to ask for help and to accept it when offered. Most importantly I’m saying no to unwanted requests, even though some people are being so verbally abusive because I’ve said no but I must recognise and concentrate on my needs and take care of myself.
I still support those who deserve supporting, the ones who aren’t just take take take. I’m learning to step back and evaluate if there is a ‘taker’ in my midst and I am starting to protect myself from them. The most important thing is I am saying no to things I don’t want to do without guilt.
It’s all about balance.
I am still winging my way through life, learning as I go on my journey to self care and happiness. I am hoping you will join me for the ride.